Hello there, and welcome to The Stricken Land! Here I indulge my life-long love of genre movies, trash cinema and tv, the product of an 80's childhood inhabiting dingy video shops in the gloom of northern England. I'll be adding reviews, retrospectives and downright opinionated missives on all things cinematic in an irregular and haphazard fashion as and when the vicissitudes of modern life grant me the all too precious commodity of spare time. Enjoy!

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I love a good list. In true High Fidelity style I’ve decided to make top ten lists a semi regular feature on the site, and to kick off, here is my inaugural top ten horror films.

The criteria for making the cut was that the film had to have had an immediate visceral impact on first viewing and stamped themselves indelibly on my febrile young consciousness.

Let’s dive in…

Jaws (1975) Dir: Steven Spielberg

“Mr. Vaughn, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, an eating machine. It’s really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks, and that’s all.”

There’s a lot of waffle talked about Spielberg’s finest hour, namely that it’s a ‘thriller’, an ‘action adventure’ etcetera. Codswallop. Jaws is an out and out horror movie par excellence. Sit through the opening ten minutes again and tell me I’m wrong.

With a story structure lifted straight from a golden age western by way of a classic fairytale (a small frontier town is threatened by a malevolent exterior force, three champions set out to confront and defeat it at high noon), Jaws easily transcends its b movie creature feature progenitors.

Spielberg wisely dropped the soap opera melodrama elements of Peter Benchley’s source novel and presents the audience with a lean man vs nature thrill ride. It’s only in the third act that the shark finally makes an appearance (mainly due to the fact that the mechanical contraption never worked properly in the open sea), and as every sensible person knows, the film is all the stronger for it.

Michael Cimino’s Heavens Gate (1980) is often touted as the film that ended the 70’s auteur period in Hollywood that began with Easy Rider in 1969, but in truth it was Jaws that sounded the death knell, helping to usher in the era of the high concept summer blockbuster. For better or worse Hollywood was changed forever, as was an entire generation’s attitude to the seaside.

The Omen (1976) Dir: Richard Donner

“Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast; for it is the number of a man; and his number is 666.”

The story of the coming of the Antichrist could have been pure hokum in the wrong hands, fortunately we got a pure measure of distilled terror in this seventies classic. One of the secrets to The Omen’s scare factor is the marrying of the satanic themes of Rosemary’s Baby and The Exorcist to the conspiracy sub genre popular at the time in the wake of the Watergate scandal. Except that this time it’s Old Nick himself and his demons in human form directing events rather than evil corporations or shadowy star chambers.

An original spec script called The Birthmark had apparently been doing the rounds in Hollywood since the early years of the decade. Once optioned, screenwriter David Seltzer reportedly excised all of the more explicitly supernatural elements, coming up with a lean psychological thriller that could be innocently interpreted as the worst day of someone’s life. All of the deaths in the film can be explained away as accidental or self inflicted (the satanic rugrat Damien actually does very little), but a series of warnings about his adopted son’s true origins prompts Robert Thorn (Gregory Peck, lending the necessary gravitas) to begin uncovering the truth. Boasting pitch perfect turns from the cast and a memorably ice cold atmosphere, The Omen is the best of the triumvirate of Satan movies that began with Rosemary’s Baby. It also features what is for me, easily the most disturbing death in horror cinema, the ‘suicide’ of Damien’s nanny (Holly Palance, daughter of Jack).

Three progressively mediocre sequels followed and a superfluous remake was released on 2006. A tv series following directly on from this first film and ignoring the sequels was also made in 2015 by US cable channel A&E but cancelled after one season.

Director Richard Donner also got his big break here, and never looked back, going on to direct Superman (1978) and the Lethal Weapon series (we shouldn’t hold that against him though).

Halloween (1978) Dir: John Carpenter

“I met this… six-year-old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and… the blackest eyes – the Devil’s eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up, because I realized that what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply… evil.”

Much imitated, never bettered it’s easy to forget what a masterful nerve shredder John Carpenter crafted on a budget of only $300,000 (the film went on to gross $47m making it one of the most successful independent films of all time, hence the relentless cash ins).

The simple tale of escaped killer Michael Myers returning to his hometown to relive his crime on the neighbourhood’s unsuspecting teens simultaneously spawned the stalk and slash sub genre, launched Jamie Lee Curtis’ career and put Carpenter firmly on the map. Veteran actor Donald Pleasance nearly walks away with the whole thing as the obsessed Dr Loomis, hot on the trail of his deranged patient.

Threads (1984) Dir: Mick Jackson

“Jesus Christ! They’ve done it… They’ve done it!”

The Cold War was nearing its denouement in the 80’s, not that we were to know that, and fear of a nuclear war was always in the back of people’s minds. Step forward the BBC then with this utterly harrowing public information style drama documentary showing in unremitting detail the effects of a nuclear strike on the UK through the experiences of two working class Sheffield families. Much of the horror is by implication, as the film really makes you really think about the consequences of such a nightmarish event. As many an 80’s kid will tell you, many local education authorities thought it appropriate to screen this in schools. They’d almost certainly be running for the safe spaces today. The past is a foreign country as someone once said. My advice is to make sure you are in a ridiculously happy mood on a bright sunny day before you settle down to watch this one.

Interestingly, director Mick Jackson went on the Hollywood where he made the somewhat more tonally upbeat The Bodyguard (1992) and Volcano (1997).

The Thing (1982) Dir: John Carpenter

“I know I’m human. And if you were all these things, then you’d just attack me right now, so some of you are still human. This thing doesn’t want to show itself, it wants to hide inside an imitation. It’ll fight if it has to, but it’s vulnerable out in the open. If it takes us over, then it has no more enemies, nobody left to kill it. And then it’s won.”

Buoyed by his success with 1978’s Halloween, The Fog (1980) and Escape from New York (1981), Carpenter chose an adaptation of John W Campbell’s 1938 short story Who Goes There? As his next project. The tale of a shape shifting alien terrorising a group of scientists at an isolated Antarctic research station had been filmed one before as Howard Hawks’ The Thing from Another World (1951). Carpenter’s version sticks much closer to the original story though, shot through as it is with mounting paranoia, and some truly memorable practical effects from Rob Bottin (who would go on to work on Paul Verhoeven’s Robocop (1987). The blood test sequence is all time favourite horror movie scene ever.

The film famously bombed on release, going up against a much more cuddly alien in Spielberg’s E.T. (1982). Carpenter thought the film a failure for many years, but like many initial box office bombs the dawn of VHS gave it new life and audience reach, and it is now rightfully regarded as the stone cold classic it always was.

The Dead Zone (1983) Dir: David Cronenberg

“The ICE… is gonna BREAK!”

Still the best Stephen King adaptation for my money. Growing out of the moral conundrum posed by the question; ‘is political assassination ever justified?’ the source novel takes place across the tumultuous decade of the 1970’s as the central protagonist, everyman Johnny Smith wakes from a coma with the power to see into people’s future.

In the hands of David Cronenberg (directing his first non original material), the film version deftly condenses the vignette structure of the novel and is topped off by brilliant performances by Christopher Walken as Smith, and Martin Sheen playing demagogic local politico Greg Stillson, who Smith foresees will rise to the highest office and trigger nuclear Armageddon. A tv series starring Anthony Michael Hall of The Breakfast Club and Weird Science fame aired in the early 2000’s.

Race with the Devil (1975) Dir: Jack Starrett

“I don’t drive too well when I’m asleep.”

A fantastic down and dirty drive in b-picture that marries the car chase action movie with a folk horror devil worship plot, this sees two middle class couples (Peter Fonda, Loretta Swit, Warren Oates and Lara Parker) on the run after witnessing a satanic sacrifice in rural redneck country. Almost a forgotten movie now, I remember catching this late night in the mid nineties, and I’ve always fondly remembered it as a kind of American Wicker Man, with it’s isolated rural setting and dark religious element. Happily there’s a DVD release that can be picked up on Amazon for a few quid. Get it for the trademark 70’s nihilistic climax (and Warren Oates of course).

Witchfinder General aka The Conqueror Worm (1968) Dir: Michael Reeves

“They swim… the mark of Satan is upon them. They must hang.”

In a crowded field, possibly one of the bleakest British horror films ever made. Set during the English Civil War, its a study of how malign individuals can rise to power and incite their fellow men to acts of depravity when the ties that bind society break down. Vincent Price puts in a career best performance, dropping any hint of campy theatrics, as the misogynistic, ice cold sadist Matthew Hopkins, a real life historical character who preyed upon the superstitions of the time and instigated a reign of terror across 17th century East Anglia.

Critically reviled in some quarters upon its release, director Reeves in was only his fourth feature crafts a disturbing portrait of the barbarism lurking just under the surface of civilisation. Tragically he was to die of an accidental overdose of barbiturates just a year after the film’s release.

The Vanishing (1988) Dir: George Sluizer

“The best plans can be wiped out at any moment by what we call fate. I confess, that saddens me.”

Adapted from Tim Krabbe’s 1984 novel The Golden Egg, this tale of obsession is most famous for its shock ending, but is equally notable for its superbly written character study of two men Rex Hofman (Gene Bervoets) and Raymond Lemorne (Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu). Hofman is obsessed with discovering what happened to his girlfriend Saskia, who went missing at a motorway services, and after three years of fruitless searching is contacted by Lemorne, a well off family man who claims to know the truth behind her disappearance.

The Vanishing is probably most famous for Donnadieu’s performance of the highly intelligent, yet totally amoral sociopath, Raymond Lemorne. The second half of the film follows Lemorne about his daily life as we learn more of his past, his thoughts and feelings. Most disturbing is Lemorne’s lack of discernible motive, his obvious love of his family and general all round sheer normalness. The viewer is left in no doubt that Saskia’s disappearance could happen to anyone, in fact, Lemorne could be anyone, and by the time such a person were to reveal their true nature it would be far too late…

Sluizer inexplicably remade his own film for Hollywood in 1993 with a disgraceful tacked on happy ending. Avoid this at all costs and seek out the Dutch language original. And don’t have nightmares…

The Masque of the Red Death (1964) Dir: Roger Corman

“Why should you be afraid to die? Your soul has been dead for a long long time.”

Like Witchfinder General, this is another period horror (this time set in Renaissance Italy), and the penultimate film in American International Pictures’ Edgar Allen Poe adaptations. Corman regular Price as hedonistic satanist Prince Prospero throwing a big party in his castle while the peasantry outside suffer the ravages of the mysterious plague known as the Red Death.

Poe’s original story is oft though to be a metaphor about human mortality (Prospero hopes to achieve a sort of immortality as one of Satan’s lieutenants in hell), but Corman avoids the rabbit hole of literary pretension and instead crafts a splendidly sinister tapestry pitting the innocence of the captive Francesca (Jane Asher, before the cakes) against Prospero’s waspish depravity. Combining a portentous tone with the trademark lush visuals and rich colours of the previous Poe adaptations, and a great supporting cast in horror regular Hazel Court and Patrick Magee, Masque is probably one of Corman’s best films, and certainly my favourite among his Poe adaptations.

I confess, it’s been a difficult task trying to whittle this list down to just ten films, and there are a lot of excellent scare fests that only narrowly missed out. The great thing about this kind of exercise is that it inevitably stokes (light hearted) disagreement and debate. Let me know your views on my choices and feel free to post your own, either in the comments below or feel free to join The Stricken Land’s very own Facebook group, Movie Babylon. I’m also on Twitter, Tumblr and Instagram (links on the sidebar) if any of those platforms are more your thing.

Till the next time…

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Good morning film fiends! Here is the first of what I intend to be a weekly bulletin featuring all the best sci-fi/fantasy/horror film related content that I’ve come across on my internet forays during the preceding week. Keep those beady eyes peeled(!) on your inboxes or social media feeds for future Newsblasts from thestrickenland.com!

In this week’s roundup:

  • Check out the trailer for Occupation, an independent Australian alien invasion flick from director Luke Sparke, and starring Jango Fett himself, Temuera Morrison and Bruce Spence (the Gyro Pilot from Mad Max 2). From the look of it, this promises to be Independence Day, but good. Check out the official website and trailer below to judge for yourself.

http://www.occupationthemovie.com/news.php

 

  • Go to YouTube and watch Womp Stomp Films and director Vincente Disanti’s excellent fan film tribute to the Friday the 13th  series, Never Hike Alone.The climax features a great Easter egg that is guaranteed to delight fans of the Camp Blood saga. Given that I personally disregard all the official entries to the series after part VII, I’m minded to regard this as series canon. Yes, it really is that good. See for yourself by clicking the link below –
  • Whilst we’re on the subject of Friday the 13th, YouTube also features an excellent documentary, Friday the 13th part III – The Memorium Documentary. As the title suggests, it focuses solely on the third film in the franchise, and was produced in memory of the late Richard Brooker, the actor and former trapeze artist who portrayed Jason Voorhees in the 1982 installment. A great little time capsule of the early 80’s slasher craze, featuring reminisces by many of the cast and on set photos from the original shoot. Find the link below –

 

  • The trailer for belated sequel Deep Blue Sea 2 is finally here complete with explosions galore and dodgy looking cgi sharks. The original is officially regarded by this site as the second greatest shark movie ever made, so I expect very little from this blatant cash in on the current crop of bargain bin shark flicks. Still the trailer makes it look like fun –

And finally…

  • Winchester gets its UK release on February 2nd, and I’ll be bringing you a full review of the Helen Mirren shockfest in due course. Based on the legend surrounding Sarah Winchester, the real life heiress of the eponymous firearms company, who ordered continuous construction of maze like extensions to her San Jose mansion for 38 years in the belief that if building stopped then the ghosts of those killed by her late husband’s creations would find her and claim her soul in revenge. The obvious conceit of the film is that the legend is founded in truth as an excuse to indulge in some good old supernatural hi-jinks. As a fan of period set horror, I’m looking forward to this one. Check out the trailer if you haven’t already –

Before I sign off; to any aspiring independent filmakers, podcasters or film related writers out there out there reading this, let me know if you’d like me to publicize and/or review your projects, The Stricken Land is always happy to promote new talent and ideas! And as ever, please feel free to share this post and any others on here that you like, far and wide.

Watch the Skies,

Ian

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Over the last couple of days I’ve found myself tweeting with an Australian chap by the name of David Black, frontman for a theatrical horror rock band called Darkness Visible and all round horror film fan.

It turns out that David is deep in production of his own hosted horror show Horror House, which is a late night half an hour slot showcasing the best new Australian short horror films. Presented in the spirit of fondly remembered horror hosts like Criswell and 80’s goth babe Elvira, It will be hosted by David himself playing the role of hapless bloodsucker Count Funghoula along with co-host Tritia DeVisha playing the role of horror goth dominatrix Mistress Boobiyana.

Yes, it all sounds as kitsch and comedic as it looks,(check out the stills below), and frankly, great fun. It’s high time we had this sort of thing back on our screens to promote new talent and creativity in fields other than bubblegum pop and tiresome variety acts. As David himself say; “The preference is always going to be for bucket loads of gore, boobs and bad taste humour.” Amen to that!

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Currently, David and Tritia are busy hawking the show around the Australian networks, but are also hoping to interest one or more of the on demand services so we viewers outside the land of Oz will get a chance to see the fruits of their labours at some point. Watch this space.

In the meantime you can follow Horror House on Facebook @HorrorHouseShow  and David can also be found lurking on Twitter and Tumblr. He also has his own blog, Oz Indie Cinema, a link to which you can find in the sidebar under Blogroll.

On a related note, The Stricken Land is always and everywhere happy to promote film related projects be they indie productions, books, blogs, websites or podcasts, so if anyone reading this would like me to review and/or promote their project do let me know. I am contactable on any of the social media channels listed on the sidebar, or alternatively just leave me a comment on the site. Promotional freebies, cash bribes, free Lamborghinis or trips to the Playboy mansion are not obligatory, but will be greatly accepted.

Semper fi

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Bright (USA 2017) Dir: David Ayer

Will Smith, Joel Edgerton, Noomi Rapace

The new feature length film from Netflix takes the tried and tested buddy cop formula and combines it with a boatload of high fantasy tropes to come up with this intriguing but ultimately unsatisfying action flick. The film is set in a contemporary looking Los Angeles, resembling our own world barring the fact this is a reality in which humans rub shoulders with Orcs, Elves, Dwarfs, Centaurs and Dragons, and where magic (the title refers to the epithet applied to a wielder of said power) is a fact of everyday existence.

The conceit of mashing together a contemporary action setting with fantastical elements has been done on screen before of course, most memorably in the 1989 James Caan comeback vehicle Alien Nation and its spin off tv show. Bright sticks pretty close to the formula of that movie with the mistrustful Officer Daryl Marks (Smith) and his Orc partner Nick Jakoby (Edgerton) drawn into a conspiracy bound up with this alternate world’s Tolkienesque denizens. The Orcs are a marginalised and oppressed group due to their siding with ‘The Dark Lord’ over a thousand years ago during an event referred to as the Battle of the Nine Races. Jakoby is the first Orc to make it successfully on to the police force and faces all the usual obstacles that racial prejudice throws up in our own world, not least the antipathy of his partner Marks who blames him for a shooting injury he suffered, and his suspicion that Jakoby let the perp, an Orc, free.

I won’t give too much away here, save that the plot sees our protagonists in pursuit of a ‘magic wand’, a super powerful weapon in this reality (‘its a nuclear weapon that grants wishes!’) that holds the key to resurrecting The Dark Lord and plunging the world into chaos. What this means exactly, and who or what ‘The Dark Lord’ is, and his motivations are left to the audience’s imaginations (or more likely the inevitable sequel, if reports of the film’s success is anything to go by.) The wand is being pursued by a cult of kung fu kicking Dark Elves led by Noomi Rapace (inhabiting a role she could have been born to play) who are intent on wresting it from a runaway member of the cult who has fallen under the protection of Marks and Jakoby.

The script does some nice worldbuilding mainly through snippets of dialogue and the odd Easter egg hidden across the film’s set pieces, and there are plenty of strands left hanging that can be picked up and explored in any future sequels or series. But the film ultimately fails to have the courage of its convictions, and the fantasy elements feel too much like afterthoughts bolted on to a contemporary action film with a light sprinkling of social conscience added to the brew. Unfortunately it is this element of the film that requires a defter approach (the Orcs are a spectacularly unsubtle metaphor for African Americans.) Director Ayer seems to want his film to be Colors crossed with The Lord of the Rings, but the end product lacks both the gravitas of the former and the fun spectacle of the latter. The absence of a lightness of touch in handling the race metaphor only reinforces the feeling of incongruity at the heart of the film’s approach to its central conceit.

There is a lot of genre stuff that does the racism metaphor a lot better, not least the aforementioned Alien Nation, but also X-Men, although the best of the bunch has to be the scabrous comic strip Strontium Dog, from the pages of celebrated British anthology comic 2000AD.

draining the swamp

Strontium Dog: Portrait of a Mutant (1981) – a typically scathing 2000AD take on the issue of racial injustice.

My other big fault with Bright lies with the script’s failure to explore any of the logical consequences of the film’s premise. For instance; would our civilisations, history, and economies not be radically different if humanity shared the planet with other sentient races and magic was prevalent? Has our history in this alternate world unfolded in the same way (wars of religion, the world wars, communism, the Cold War)? What about religion? I know this is supposed to be an action movie, but the likes of other alternate reality genre movies like Watchmen and Escape from New York get across more of the internal logic of their respective settings in their first ten minutes than Bright does in its entire running time.

And then there is the ubiquitous Will Smith, bestriding the production like an unwanted wedding guest. Why Netflix thought to saddle the film with a Hollywood A lister when it is the novelty of its central idea that should have been the star is a mystery. While Smith proved his serious acting chops with Michael Mann’s staid biopic Ali, his cop movie credentials are forever stained by the execrable Bad Boys, and his presence here serves only to distract from an an already thin plot. Joel Edgerton does a fine job under the prosthetics however, and it would be an injustice were he not to be given top billing and made the central character in any follow up. Smith’s character seems rather superfluous anyway, and in this day and age having a monstrous looking creature as the hero isn’t the risky approach it once might have been. Worked for Hellboy after all.
NB – as I mentioned above, the Strontium Dog comic book did the whole aliens/mutants as a metaphor for racial prejudice miles better than anyone else before or since. Created by the team of writer John Wagner (A History of Violence) and Carlos Ezquerra, who also created Judge Dredd, the strip is steeped in the cynical tradition of the spaghetti western and was born amidst the punk movement, economic dislocation and racial tensions of late seventies/early eighties Britain. The collected editions are available from Amazon, though I particularly recommend Portrait of a Mutant (1981) and its sequel Outlaw (1984) as two of the greatest, and certainly most underrated British comics of the era.

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Fear not, bad movie brothers and sisters, despite the spammy title of this post your favourite movie blog has not been compromised by Russian bots or North Korean cyber hackers! I was going to title it ‘Free Sex’, but that was swiftly vetoed by the lady of the house as being far too clickbaity, and on reflection my fairer half proved to be right (a habit of hers).

With any luck I have your attention now, so I’d like to ask you all a favour – one of my objectives for the blog this year is to get more content uploaded more regularly, and in common with most bloggers I’d like to get The Stricken Land more exposure out there on the ol’ information super highway. With this in mind I’d greatly appreciate any of you peoples sharing, liking, tweeting, or using whatever media is your thing to spread the word about the blog and any content you read on it that particularly takes your fancy. Comments and reviews on the blog itself, at the Facebook page or on any of the other platforms where the blog has a presence are also gratefully received.

With that out of the way, the next post that will drop into your inboxes will be a review of the latest feature film offering from Netflix, the buddy cop action fantasy Bright.

Watch the Skies and Spread the Word!

Semper fi

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Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (USA 2017) Dir: Rian Johnson

Watching this latest instalment of the Star Wars series was a rollercoaster experience; I went through alternate feelings of both loving and loathing it, punctuated by the occasional threat of boredom. And boredom is a feeling that should be anathema when watching an adventure set in a galaxy far far away.

Is this a bad movie? No. Is it a great movie? Again, no. It’s an okay Star Wars movie. Faint praise, but unfortunately the movie’s good points are more than offset by the numerous flaws carried over from its predecessor, The Force Awakens. The questions raised by that instalment are not answered here. Questions like; how exactly have the remnants of the Imperial forces once again risen to galaxy spanning dominance only 30 odd years since their Stalingrad like defeat? Why, despite their all encompassing victory at the Battle of Endor, have the rebels been reduced to an even more hunted, rag-tag shower than they were in the original trilogy? These narrative holes leave both films lacking any sense of narrative follow on from Return of the  Jedi, which they are supposed to be direct sequels to. While much better than the execrable prequels and the terminally leaden and characterless Rogue One, both this movie and The Force Awakens feel like a superfluous coda to the saga of the Skywalker clan. One wonders why the House of Mouse didn’t just have the cojones to start afresh with a new cast of characters and story arc. Alas Hollywood risk aversion won out and we are presented with The Last Jedi.

Taking up exactly where The Force Awakens left off, the Resistance led by General Leia Organa are forced to evacuate from their secret base when the First Order fleet rumbles the location and suddenly appears in system. So far so good. Even minus the traditional Fox fanfare I felt the hairs on my arms rise as the first boom of John Williams’ iconic score reverberated through the auditorium followed by the yellow crawl of the intro.

Tragically this bubble is almost immediately burst by some truly awful and incongruous humour between hotshot rebel pilot Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac)and First Order Commander Hux (Domnhall Gleeson,one of the worst actors to grace the series, and there is some stiff competition.) At this point of the screenplay, you would have hoped the director would have taken the crayons off the scriptwriter, and we are thankfully saved from the film descending into a Spaceballs territory by a fantastic set piece space battle as the rebels attempt to break through the First Order blockade. With this sequence, Johnson more than proves a flair for directing action, which is cemented later on by the lightsaber fight between Daisy Ridley’s Rey and Kylo Ren (a scenery chewing Adam Driver, looking like he is enjoying himself immensely), and the climactic battle sequence on the salt moon.

Meanwhile, Rey is stuck at the arse end of the galaxy with a curmudgeonly Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) who is doing what all Jedi do after having a pupil turn dark and joining a rapacious space tyranny – living in a hut being terminally dour. Hamill does well here, slipping back into the character like someone donning a rumpled but comfortable old raincoat. Daisy Ridley is engaging enough, refusing to let her character be subsumed by the competing screen time of a bloated cast.

The film’s midsection is where most of the faults lie. Some leaden exposition about the First Order being able to track the rebel’s  through hyperspace sees ex stormtrooper Finn (a wasted John Boyega, easily the cast member with the most presence) along with rebel pilot Rose (couldn’t the writers have thought up a more Star Warsy name than this?) despatched to a generic looking casino planet devoid of any visual references to the SW universe in order to track down some famous code breaker (a criminally wasted Benicio Del Toro doing his mumbling schtick) who can ensure the rebel fleets escape. Or something. To be honest I lost it a bit here as boredom threatened to set in listening to the characters tell each other the plot.

Doubling down, the writers then treat the audience to some sledgehammer moralising about animal rights and wealth inequality (rich people in the Star Wars universe seem to be all gun running poker demons), that skirts perilously close to trite Hollywood liberalism. There is a place for this, but if I want to watch cheap moralising and characters signalling impotent virtue, then I’ll watch something directed by George Clooney. Not in Star Wars thanks.

An attack on the rebel flagship sees the bridge destroyed and Leia blown into space, resulting in possibly the worst, most ill conceived scene in the entire series, I mean, we are talking midichlorian level awfulness here. Flung into vacuum, Leia somehow uses her undeveloped Jedi powers to envelop herself in some kind of ‘force bubble’ and navigates her way back to the ship. Yes, it is as ridiculous as it sounds, no explosive decompression, no visible physical trauma (from a direct hit in the bridge and exposure to vacuum!) Not exactly Event Horizon, and yes I know it’s a Star Wars film and foremost aimed at kids, but really? Why have this scene in the first place? It serves no purpose plot wise, and looks and feels like its been tacked on from a Guardians of the Galaxy movie. Dreadful.

A hilariously miscast Laura Dern then assumes the mantle of command, sporting a purple crimp hairdo (what is it with Star Wars and bad hair?), and radiating incompetence. The audience is meant to buy into this character being some kind of military genius having scored an impressive victory over the First Order in a previous battle. None of that strategic nous is displayed in the actual movie though, as the rebels continue to be picked off, resulting in a Poe led mutiny and Dern’s heroic self sacrifice in an admittedly awesome sequence of mega destruction. Perhaps if the rebellion was being led by its version of Nelson or Nimitz, rather than being run by the intergalactic equivalent of a Home Counties sewing circle, they might do a bit better.

Escaping to a nearby mineral rich moon, the rebel forces confront the First Order in the climactic battle, which, as with the opening sequence delivers the Star Wars goods in full, and is almost enough to make you forget the patience baiting elements in the previous hour and a bit.

We get a bit more hopey changey waffle, but predictably it proves useless against the First Order’s miniaturised Death Star tech, and the rebel’s once again are forced to hot foot it out of there. I don’t think the  audience is supposed to cheer for Kylo Ren, but it’s hard not to appreciate his results focused pragmatism when measured against the rebels empty virtue.

To summarise, my main gripes with the movie are it being overlong, the incongruous humour, the bizarre Leia in space sequence, the dull and laboured casino planet interlude and a stilted overall narrative. Big pluses include the superb battle sequences, which show fellow Disney property Marvel how it’s done, and showcases Johnson’s flair for space operatics. And John Boyega – get that boy an X-Wing.

There is a great Star Wars film wanting to get out here, but the movie is burdened with a story that simply doesn’t flow very well, and a portentous tone that ends up going nowhere. Maybe it’s an age thing and I’m simply too jaded by constant exposure to the dream factory’s product, but this modern crop of Star Wars movies  just fail to engage me on a visceral level. Instead they feel like just another visual effects fest in what has become a crowded field. My expectations of future films have now been officially lowered. Surprise me Disney.

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Hail there bad movie brethren! Here’s hoping that you are all feeling hail and hearty in this post yuletide period, and looking forwards to the celluloid delights that 2018 will surely bring us?

Your erstwhile host has been busy scribbling away over the last month planning a number of blog posts to fill your inboxes with writings on grindhouse movie goodness and other assorted bottom shelf gems I’ve come across on Netflix and Amazon. Here is what’s on the menu so far:

  • Review /retrospectives of Blastfighter, Lamberto Bava’s 80’s spaghetti exploitation action flick, the legendary Bronx Warriors movies from the titan of Italian action, Enzo G Castellari, and Sergio Martino’s sublime 1983 post apocalypse flick 2019: After the Fall of New York.
  • The VHS Apocalypse – a look back at the spate of Italian made post apocalypse movies of the early 80’s that were rushed out to cash in on the popularity of dystopian action hits like Mad Max and Escape from New York.
  • Rating the Wrong Turn’s – a full run down and review of each of the cannibal hillbilly horror flicks, low budget splatter favourites of mine!
  • Top Ten horror films – my personal all time favourites, and why you should love them too.
  • A review of Russian superhero ensemble movie Guardians. I’ve been saving up this viewing pleasure, what’s the worst that could happen?
  • Rating the Fridays – my ultra opinionated take on what counts as Friday the 13th canon, including my review if the excellent fan film Never Hike Alone, along with my thoughts on where to take the series from here.
  • Shark movie triple whammy – none of that Sharknado nonsense, but reviews of the two latest shark movies to catch my attention; Cage Dive and 47 Metres Down, along with a look a back at the 2003 Lou Diamond Phillips bull shark in the bayou potboiler Red Water.
  • Podcast Heaven – I’ve really got into my podcasts this year, so I’ll be putting together a post reviewing and rating the best movie related shows that I’ve come across so far.

Next up will be my review of a little known arthouse movie called The Last Jedi. It seems to have divided opinion somewhat, so keep any eye out for this blog’s judgement landing in your inbox soon.

Until then, I wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year!

Semper fi.

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Death Line aka Raw Meat (1972) UK Dir: Gary Sheerman
Donald Pleasance, Christopher Lee, Hugh Armstrong

Bleak and low key in the way only a budget horror film made in early 70’s London can be, Death Line is a wonderfully atmospheric little gem released at the fag end of the golden age of British horror that began in 1957 with Hammer Studio’s wonderfully lurid The Curse of Frankenstein, and which gradually petered out sometime in the mid 70’s.

In this depiction of England, swinging London and the summer of love are dead, replaced by smog, cynicism, and generational discord. The oil crisis, recession and punk rock await, and it’s fascinating watching this forty five year old movie and and thinking it now looks as ancient to modern eyes as the black and white Universal horror pictures did to me when I used to watch them as a kid.

Filmed mostly in and around Russell Street tube station, the film’s story centres on several mysterious disappearances that have occurred between that station and Holborn on London’s District line. While indulging in extra curricular activities in the red light district, top ranking civil servant James Manfred OBE(James Cossins) becomes the latest person to disappear. The local plod, led by Inspector Calhoun (a wonderfully terrier like Donald Pleasance) realise the disappearances are linked and begin investigating,aided by a student couple who were the last witnesses to see Manfred alive. It is discovered that the missing commuters have been attacked and eaten by a devolved inbred cannibal who it turns out, is the last surviving descendant of a group of labourers walled in alive after an accidental cave in during excavation work in 1892.

With a limited budget, the film makes the most of its gloomy and claustrophobic locations, and is prevented from going into a cliched madman on the loose tale by the injection of real pathos in Hugh Armstrong’s performance as ‘The Man’. Quite an achievement to evoke audience sympathy for a cannibalistic serial killer with only grunts and moans for dialogue.

Christopher Lee makes a cameo as an officious, passive aggressive intelligence officer, rubbing up against the earthy working class Calhoun (although Lee and Pleasance never share the screen owing to the two actors height differentials).

Already an established star, Pleasance would go on to horror icon status as Dr Sam Loomis in John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978), a role that Lee turned down and would later regret doing so. Director Sheerman went on to make the early 80’s curio Dead & Buried, which briefly made the BBFC’s banned list during the ‘video nasties’ furore, and the underwhelming Poltergeist III. Death Line remains superior to both, and also functions as a fascinating time capsule of 1970’s London.

Apparently one of director Edgar Wright’s favourites, at the time of writing Death Line is currently available to buy on DVD from Amazon. A worthwhile addition to any horror collection.

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The internet currently seems to  be awash with thirty to forty something men (it’s mostly men) pissing and moaning about Justice League, the latest entry in Warner Brothers attempt to exploit their DC Comics properties and rival the MCU juggernaut. Opinion seems divided between those calling it out as a complete stinkbomb, and those reckoning it the greatest piece of cinema since Francis Ford Coppola was handed a film camera and an airport timekiller about the American mafia.

Perspective gentlemen, please. We lived through Superman IV: The Quest for Peace and the Schumacher Batman films. Nothing Zack Snyder has done has yet come anywhere close to rivalling those turkeys,  but given that 2016’s Wonder Woman has been the best entry in the DC cycle so far it’s becoming increasingly difficult to see why they don’t just get Patty Jenkins to oversee the whole thing and be done.

Yes millennials, this film happened.

Which brings us to Justice League itself. My initial impression of the movie was that it was enjoyable enough on its own terms, but ultimately played out like a special effects company showreel with a bit of plot edited together as an afterthought out of the endless acrobatics and masonry smashing. Now, this is  a bit of a hobbyhorse of mine, and I’m sure I’ve probably banged on about it in a previous blog, but spectacle is a poor substitute for narrative. Once upon a time directors knew how to balance these elements to drive the story and build characters that the audience could engage with. Then along came the Simpson/Bruckheimer axis and the MTV generation and it all went to shit. Every time we see the slate of new summer blockbusters, we see that we’re still seeing the baleful influence of those ‘high concept’ tosspots, and still they threaten us with Top Gun 2.

Okay, rant over, back to the movie.  Justice League’s story such as it is, follows on directly from Snyder’s expensive mish mash Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice. Superman is dead, and Bruce Wayne aided by Diana Prince set about forming a team of ‘metahumans’ to combat an imminent invasion by the clumsily explained god-alien-thing Steppenwolf and his horde of cyber fleshy insectoid warriors (this is all explained in a leaden flashback exposition sequence where it is difficult to hear any of the narrative for all the noise). And that’s about it folks. The rest of the movie’s running time is essentially one long fight punctuated by members of the team asking each other what they should do and explaining what’s left of the plot to each other.

I realise I sound like I’m being really down on the movie here, but don’t get me wrong, I know that ultimately I’m not its target audience. I admit it, I’m jaded by this stuff. Twelve year old boys will see Justice League and probably think it is the greatest thing they have ever seen, and that is just fine, I’d have felt the same at that age (I still feel aggrieved that my  younger self didn’t get to see the awesomeness of GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra). If you want dark and gritty ‘’grown up’ comic book adaptations, then watch the mighty fine Marvel Netflix series (Daredevil and The Punisher being the standouts.)

Is Justice League a bad movie? No, but it is an empty vessel if you are looking to be engaged by anything more than a string of explosions. Should you go see it? If you want a popcorn, leave your brain at the door, beat ‘em superhero movie, then yes, it certainly delivers on those terms. To help anyone still wavering here is my pros and cons guide to Justice League:

PROS

  • Ezra Miller. Easily the breakout star of the film. His anxious, on-the-spectrum version of Barry Allen is bang on the money.
  • Jason Momoa has real screen presence. Here he banishes the memory of his Conan the Barbarian misfire and doesn’t waste a minute of his screen time. Bodes well for the solo Aquaman movie.
  • Gal Gadot is Wonder Woman. End of story.
  • It’s not Batman vs Superman. It maybe something to do with Joss Whedon’s involvement, but there is definitely a lighter tone on show here, without sacrificing the established darker, more visually textured feel of the DCEU. It is also coherent and doesn’t play out like it’s been edited by a Warner Brothers accountancy intern.
  • Its vastly more entertaining than the dull and turgid Age of Ultron.
  • Superman and The Flash have a race.

CONS

  • Unlike say, Man of Steel, it doesn’t feel like like anything is at stake here. We see very little of the outside world being threatened by Steppenwolf and his hordes. No one ever seems like they are in any real peril.
  • Steppenwolf is a weak villain. This is the central problem with the DCEU so far. With the exception of Michael Shannon’s General Zod, all of the series’ villains so far have either been underwritten CGI ciphers or pantomime turns like Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor. Darth Vader and Hans Gruber would never have stood for it. Sort it out DC.
  • None of the supporting characters have anything to do. Lois Lane and Jim Gordon are completely superfluous to the film.
  • Henry Cavill’s upper lip. You can’t take your eyes away from it. Just tell him to shave off the bloody moustache and screw Universal.

One last related thing. I read a lot of fanboy commentary either slagging off DC or Marvel and that one is better than the other. This is codswallop. Both have long and ignominious histories when it comes to prostituting their intellectual property in the pursuit of greenbacks. Yes, DC has produced its fair amount of turkeys, but anyone claiming that Marvel’s slate is clean in this respect has never sat through Albert Pyun’s Captain America (1989), or the hilariously bad David Hasselhoff vehicle Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD (1998). Like I said at the beginning, perspective is all.

Bat nipples for Chrissakes. DC fans had it much worse before the DCEU.

I promise that this will be my last superhero movie related post for a while. I’m in the mood to dive right back into watching and writing about a lot of my midnight movie loves, so watch this space for some treats from the underworld of cinema.

Till the next time…

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This article originally began as a review of the most recent entry in the long running Alien series, Alien: Covenant. However, in the process of writing it, I ended up straying off the reservation and waxing on at length about my thoughts on the Alien franchise as a whole. This further developed into a related critique of director Ridley Scott’s approach since he returned to the property that first made his name all the way back in 1979.

After a lot of re-reading and subsequent editing I’ve managed to wrestle my original jumble of words and mixed emotions about the series into what I hope is a vaguely coherent form. Read on then pilgrims, and beware, trenchant opinions contained herein…

Alien: Covenant (2017) review
I’ll admit it; I approached Alien: Covenant with some trepidation. I try to keep an open mind when watching new entries in franchises that hold a special place in the hearts of fandom. Alas, Fox seem determined to stretch this goodwill to breaking point when it comes to the Alien series. Ever since the much derided, but actually not bad Alien 3 (1991), those of us who love the Alien universe have been subjected to the risible Alien Resurrection (1997), the trying-a-bit-too-hard Paul WS Anderson effort Aliens vs Predator (2007), and the crime against humanity that is AvP2: Requiem. It really shouldn’t be hard to get right, yet the studio continues to make a complete pig’s ear of one of its most valuable franchises.

Alien: Covenant then, is a direct sequel to the 2012 Alien prequel Prometheus, a film that I could expound on enough to fill a whole other article just on its own. For now it’s enough to say that I found Prometheus hugely flawed, and many of those flaws carry over into its sequel. Picking up ten years after the events of Prometheus, Covenant’s story centres on the eponymous colony ship, travelling to the distant planet of Origae 6 to establish a settlement there. A freak space accident damages the ship, killing the captain (James Franco in a cameo), and waking the crew from hypersleep. Now led by nervy man of faith Oram (the underrated Billy Crudup), the ship picks up a signal sent out from a nearby earth like planet that Oram decides is ripe for settlement, pulling rank over the objections of crew member Daniels (Katherine Waterston).

After an initial exploration of their landing area, two of the crew are infected and killed by a mysterious lifeform that nearly wipes out the other members. At this point, David, the android from the earlier film (Michael Fassbender, still doing his spot on impression of Lawrence of Arabia era Peter O’Toole) appears to save the day, although the Covenant’s own android Walter (also played by Fassbender) quickly begins to suspect that David harbours an ulterior motive. I won’t detail any more plot details here, just in case there are some readers who have yet to watch the film, suffice to say that David’s arrival brings with it a ton of Prometheus related exposition and xenomorph related mayhem.

There is no doubt that Alien: Covenant is a visual treat. This is a Ridley Scott film after all, and he has always been a much better production designer than a storyteller in this humble scribe’s opinion. The film also features solid performances from the cast, particularly from Waterston, who is competing for screen time with the intense Fassbender, and also under the long shadow cast by Sigourney Weaver’s Ellen Ripley.

The problem is bigger than that, and it begins with the approach taken in Prometheus and clearly intended to run through the intended prequel trilogy; that is, the intention to explore the origin of the Alien, and to tie this in with both the ‘space jockey’ glimpsed in Alien and an origin of humanity backstory that would make Eric von Daniken blush. It is a classic example of storytellers failing to heed the maxim ‘show, don’t tell’. The unknown is scary in itself, and all the unanswered questions concerning the Alien should have been left at just that; unanswered. To explore the origin of the Alien inevitably strips away part of its mystique, and thus its ability to scare the bejeezus out of audiences. Another problem here is that layering ever more detail about the origin of the creatures risks disrupting or outright contradicting the internal logic of the Alien universe. A good example of this is the amount of time between the implanting of an embryo into a host, and the chestburster erupting. It seems to be different in every film. This makes the audience’s suspension of disbelief ( a prerequisite for good storytelling) much harder.

Instead of the lean, tight, menace of Alien, Aliens, and yes, Alien 3, we get a load of philosophical guff from Fassbender’s David, some admittedly decent creature effects and some inventive death scenes (the shower sex death scene has to be the stand out for me.) None of these elements add up to anything more than yet another mediocre offering in the series though. Fassbender handles this hokum like the professional he is, yet making an android with a God complex the centre of the narrative just isn’t as compelling as an everywoman like Ripley dealing with the indescribable. In the end Alien: Covenant just ends up a pale facsimile of the 1979 original.

What might have been…
If only Fox had been bolder with the creative decision making, and gone in the direction of exploring the wider Alien universe, rather than the origin of the Xenomorph. One is reminded here of the original William Gibson screenplay for Alien 3, which saw the introduction of the Union of Progressive Peoples (UPP)  to the background, a power bloc locked in a cold war with the corporate entity of Weyland Yutani, with both seeking to capture a live xenomorph to turn into a bioweapon. Gibson’s script went to two drafts before Fox passed on cost grounds. A lost opportunity, but one of many along the tortuous journey out of development hell that finally resulted in David Fincher’s flawed but still interesting Alien 3.

A more recent attempt to reboot the series came with Neill Blomkamp’s bid to make a direct sequel to Aliens that saw both Hicks and Newt survive along with Ripley. This sounds a lot like the story arc published in the early nineties in the Dark Horse comics license. Sadly Fox weren’t interested, and it looks like Blomkamp’s proposal has bitten the dust. Shame.

Ironically, Alien: Covenant, while not being a flop, hasn’t met Fox’s expectations at the box office, and word around the campfire is that the studio is planning a ‘soft reboot’ of the franchise, which probably means that while previous films will remain canon, any reboot movies will feature an all new cast and setting. In the meantime the studio looks to be still going ahead with the third film  the prequel trilogy, provisionally titled Alien: Awakening, so we have one more installment of this tripe to endure before Fox begins afresh. Although at this rate one wonders if they should bother. Should’ve gone with Blomkamp.

So is Ridley to blame?
“Ridley Scott on terrific form”, exclaims Brian Viner of the the British tabloid the Daily Mail on the Alien: Covenant DVD cover. After reading my review above you can probably surmise that I regard this statement as a brazen lie. Now I like Ridley Scott, and his films always look beautiful regardless of whether they succeed or not. But has he made a truly great film since Blade Runner in 1982?  I would contend not, although I haven’t seen The Martian yet (I’m put off  by anything starring the pompous and preachy Matt Damon). The fact is, Ridley Scott peaked early, and it’s been a gentle downward slope since then. GI Jane anyone?

Before anyone starts shouting ‘Black Hawk Down!’ at me I’ll go on the record that I’m not a fan. Without meaning any disrespect to those men who fought and died in the real life events depicted in the film, the Battle of Mogadishu just doesn’t make for an interesting event from a storytelling point of view. Two hours of explosions and men shouting at each other does not a  good film make, unless Gene Hackman is in it.

I don’t mind Gladiator (1999), and it is probably ego on legs Russell Crowe’s only other good film apart from his stellar turn in the excellent LA Confidential (1997). Still, it is marred by probably one of the most flat, anticlimactic endings ever. I did enjoy Kingdom of Heaven (2005), though a judgement of greatness is snatched away by the inexplicable decision to have Orlando Bloom as the leading man.

Which brings us to the Alien prequels. While it’s probably unfair to lay all the blame at Scott’s door (Damon Lindelof wrote the Prometheus screenplay), it’s inconceivable that he didn’t have some input and creative control over the narrative direction of the prequels. Thus a large portion of the responsibility for the direction the films have gone in must lie with the boy from South Shields. A shame, as there has long been better ideas out there for expanding the Alien mythos without compromising some of the factors which made the series great in the first place.

And finally…

The Stricken Land is now on The Book of Face! Pop over to my dedicated page for genre and b-movie news, facts and trivia. You can also join the page’s group Movie Babylon to join in discussions with like minded movie geeks. Just answer the simple question, and my gatekeepers will let you in. Please feel free to like and follow the page or even leave a review if the mood takes you.

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Until the next time Bad Movie Brothers and Sisters!